Journal Entry No. 20711

My brother was born during a thunderstorm and he has the temper to show for it. When we were younger, he would flare up at the slightest provocation, which only encouraged us to goad him further. One time we were running around the house playing tag. Him being the smallest, he ended up being It most of the time. At some point this pissed him of so much that when we ran into the kitchen he grabbed a knife and backed me into a corner. His face was red and he had this look on his face, I thought he would stab me for sure. He was only six then.

Ten years later he is still prone to outbursts. Thankfully he has given up physical violence in favor of skulking and angst, the first choice of teenagers all over the world. I, on the other hand, have renounced my role as tormentor-in-chief. God knows he has enough demons of his own, growing up in the shadow of his older siblings. Of late, I have found myself feeling more familial. It is as if adulthood has inspired a brotherly sense of obligation. Considering how absent I was in the years I was away at college these feelings are novel, even surprising.

Ironically, now when I am home again and ready to provide friendship and guidance, it is he who is away for school. As such, I try my best to take advantage of the weekends when he is home. Last week I attempted to impress in him the importance of using the computer for more than just games.

Sid, I told him, it's not good for you to be playing DoTA all the time. You don't even know how to keep the computer free of malware. You'll regret being so illiterate. I tell you, ten years from now, people who know how to do stuff on the computer, how to make stuff work, they'll be like the wizards and dragon riders in novels. And all the other people will be the bystanders, the peasants who get killed by dragons and stuff.

To which he replied, in classic fashion: I'd rather be the dragon.

Maybe this was not a very apt analogy for people who make malware (and tons of money) vs people who click on flashing links and download malware thereby unwittingly consigning their computers to be used by the former to make even more tons of money. But I thought it would make the concept more relevant to him. I was sadly mistaken.

Yesterday we were in the sitting room discussing college. He had recently announced his intention to study packaging engineering. Being the supportive brother that I am, I did an online search for universities offering such a program. Being the mother that she is, my mom started suggesting other, better, fields of engineering. Or why doesn't Sid just blah blah blah.

Ma, I really want to study packaging engineering, why can't you let me be?

But I'm just trying to be helpful, she said.

I was sorely tempted to point out that her advice had not been especially helpful in my case but that would have only come out as vindictive, and anyway the point was moot.

In any case, I believe my brother will make his own decision. In that way he is like a dragon.


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In this track Bag Raiders have the energy of Phoenix, but darker. Not in a gloomy way but in a golden moody dusky way. The vocals are sensual; the beat compelling and dancey.