It occurs to me that I'm afraid of this: I might have grown bored of the random hotel rooms, random meaningless banter, random boys with which I've built my Babel. I tell myself that this straining to reach heaven must be blasphemous except I have no choice but to build higher and higher because there is no way down.

When it's really quiet my thoughts often turn maudlin.

A soft light shines from the half-open bathroom door. From somewhere in the room a tinny radio sings ridiculous songs, I'd turn it off if I fucking knew how but. I'd tried to call the front desk to ask how to turn the thing off but dialing zero got me nothing but a dial tone. Actually the front desk had called earlier, just when the kissing turned torrid so when I answered the phone and the woman on the other line asked if we were settled in okay I told her that yes, we were doing just fine until she called and then I put down the phone. Also a few hours after that the phone rang again but that time I just took the phone off the hook. For a while I could hear the woman's voice coming from the handset but not for long.

There's something about the way TVs saturate a dark room with their colored light that always gets to me. The Incredibles was showing and I watched the first half of it because I'd never seen it before. Tell-chan snored beside me, his left arm draped around my body. Fuck there never was a face more beautiful asleep than his.

I'm lying there, trying not to move too much, watching his chest rise and fall softly and I'm afraid that what I really want is this: to hold his hand in silence.

*Photo is from the photobook 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' by Jeff Sheng. Click on the picture to view his website and some of the other photos in the collection. 


  1. Nice and sweet. Have you read Kane's most recent post?

  2. and so the player contemplates on ending the games?

  3. there is a sense of serenity that gives beauty to afterglows. :)

  4. Peter, yes I have. What about it?

    Not sure about ending the games, Engel. Someone just wants to have his cake and eat it too. =D

  5. how sweet. i used to think doing it in a hotel/motel was kinda weird but i agree, in quiet hours, there is beauty in a dark room illuminated by a muted tv.

  6. Just remember, my friend, we all croak. All of U.S. And, thus, you gotta wanna stand before the King of Hearts. Are you so prepared to do just that when there ain't no anal sechs anywhere in the Bible? So, yes, I guess, the Phelps have a certain point, n'est-ce pas? We're ALL sinners, guy, and this is only the start of something gggreatNglorious... if only we'd follow the Holy Spirit's advice in this weeeee, Finite Existence. Thanks for lissn'n. See ya soon. God bless.