Wednesday

Journal Entry No. 41311

I love pictures. Like me, they hardly ever tell the truth. Look at this picture of me. Lots of things could be farther from the truth, but I think this far enough.


For one, I don't really have a beard. All my uncles do but Mother Nature and Charles Darwin conspired to make me smooth as a baby butt with a few bristles here and there. Also, I'm not really cross eyed.

More importantly, in this picture I've bared almost everything when the naked truth is that I am back in the closet. It still feels somewhat comfortable, like I've never left, but having to watch what I say and do and the faux machismo I have to keep up with is grating.

Why the fuck do salesmen have to be so straight? Last week we had an area meeting and team building and boy you couldn't go an hour without someone bringing up the topic of sex and girls and other straight shit.

The worst part is that I want so bad to be part of it. I want to be straight and unaware that almost every guy in my team is hot as hell. Or failing that, I wish I could just be cool. I wish I could be a bro and just shoot the shit with these guys.

But damn if I don't know how. I'm too quiet, too awkward, too distant, or too saddled with a boner that just won't let me be cool damn it.

God I wish I wasn't such a dork.

18 comments:

  1. Naks just be yourself partner and everything else will follow. Don't be afraid of what others might tell you, feel free to share your thoughts.

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  2. oh no... sorry about that. sometimes there are thigns we have to compromise just to earn a living. i just hope you still get to be yourself one way or the other

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  3. As a fellow dork, I can relate to feeling awkward. I hope you get over it, though, and mingle :)

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  4. a difficult situation to be in!buti nakatagal ka!hahaha

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  5. i don't think you are a dork. :)

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  6. because you write beautifully, i think you have the potential to be a great person. don't let your own perceived weakness prevent you from becoming all that you can be.

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  7. it felt like being squeezed into a bottle with protruding thorns inside. you avoid the ends but the bottle unprecedentedly gets smaller. like, no place to hide, and with a company difficult to belong to. sucks.

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  8. Hello Drew. By the way I'm DB. Hihihi.
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    Anyway, I could relate much to the "beard thing." Facial hair is one of my frustration since I don't have any. *sigh*

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  9. you could just chime in about your own sexual conquests and some hot guy and see what the response is. or not.

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  10. same tayo. Once mag usap na mga tropa ko and cousins about girls, gustuhin ko mang makarelate pero hindi ko magawa. Though kaya ko naman makisakay kahit papaano. :)

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  11. Well at least the body is for real.

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  12. come on..loosen up. i know it's hard but the heck don't mind them, be a butterfly, grins!

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  13. It is not easy. But I'm learning.

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  14. It's so hard to be straight in situations that are needed aint it? It's hard for me to keep on lying. I sometimes wish I'm in a group that I will be accepted. But oh well, we need to do what we have to do.

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