On being more truthful

Damn it, I miss you. Or,
to be more truthful - I miss the idea
of you.

You have, after all, existed mostly in my head.
You were words made flesh.
But, Jesus Christ, how real it seemed.

If I long for the dream I have
of you,
Is it any less than if I did long for you?
It can't be all that different. After all,
the dream wouldn't be the same dream without you.

On being more truthful, I will tell you a secret. (I cannot be completely honest, but that is alright, everyone understands that.) Do you remember when once you told me that you missed me? I did not want to say "thank you" so I let it slide. Instead, I set off on a non-sequitur because that was the path of least resistance. Also, that was the only way I could be honest.

Do you remember when once I told you that I wanted a hug? That part was true. I told you that because, because of you there is a tautology I don't ever forget and it helps me to be more careful with my words.

I want what I want
when it isn't what I need. Or,
to be more truthful - I can't need you.

Rand says that love must be selfish
and even if I, sometimes, despise objectivism
I agree with her.

I hope that you too are selfish.
It would be great, it would be grand.
We would weave wonderful dreams.

Dman it, I miss you.
I hope this does not make you happy.
It is not meant to.