On shitting in my own backyard

So the strangest thing happened to me and I'm still sort-of reeling from what happened.

I leave to have lunch in the building cafeteria at 12:30. I'm so hungry that I finish like three cups of rice. And then I promptly fall asleep after the meal. I mean not right after, I have a smoke first and the compulsory chit chat with my co-workers and then I put my arms on the table and rest my head on them and just go right to sleep.

I blame the carbs.

And then I start having weird ass dreams. In one I am back in my old apartment and it's summer again and I am on the floor in an Indian squat. I'm trying to concentrate and keep my eyes focused on something on the wall opposite me but I can't because I'm perspiring like I was in a sauna and the sweat keeps getting into my eyes. Then the scene changes and I am in a jungle, or at least it must be a jungle because it's suffocatingly humid and there are all these wild trees and sinister ferns and stuff around me and I can hear like a thousand tiny insects buzzing all around. I'm following someone ahead of me, someone I don't know but who feels familiar, and then I trip on a vine and I wake up.

I don't know about you but Inception sure changed my life.

I feel like I've been sleeping for a few hours but in fact it has been only ten minutes, or fifteen max. At first I just sit there being lethargic until I realize that I'm sweating and there are red marks on my arms and my forehead. I find this vaguely embarrassing. I take a tissue to wipe off the sweat (because hankies are dirty!) and while I do this, I scan the cafeteria to find out who might have witnessed my being a total bum.

Co-worker is still on the table next to mine, minding her book. Other co-worker is at the cashier paying for her meal. I don't recognize any of the other diners as regulars so I don't really care. And then I see a boy who has caught my fancy before and I die a little inside. The boy is wearing a white dress shirt, charcoal pants, and a brown belt. This strikes me as either tacky or classic but as he stands up from his table to pay at the cashier, I behold the fit of his shirt and the fullness of his ass in his trousers. I decide on the latter.

I must have been contemplating his appearance for far too long because Jungle Boy notices and looks in my direction. I turn to co-worker and start making conversation. He walks over to the water dispenser and loiters for a while. I notice him look at me a few more times before he leaves. After a while, it's 1:30 and we have to go back to the office. I take a quick detour to the restroom and Jungle Boy is there by the sink, fixing his hair. I pop a boner.

Shit, I think to myself as I enter a stall and try to urinate, which is all but impossible. I try visualizing a pungent, hairy armpit being pressed into my face but I get no slack. I surrender and zipper up and exit the stall. Jungle Boy is still standing by the sink. I see him look at me in the mirror.

And then a thought penetrates my still-sleepy brain and I realize that I am being cruised. I smile at Jungle Boy. He smiles back.


  1. Well, Drew, looks like you brought Jungle Boy to the city, eh?


  2. Oh the joys of cruising.

    With youth still fresh, this is a game worth knowing and practicing.

    The smiles and stares. How wonderful cruising really is.

  3. Yes Kane, and he was satisfyingly feral.

    Guyrony, you are quite the player aren't you? :P

  4. Ternie, you're so mean talaga to me. Nagpakipot naman ako eh kaso sineduce niya ako. :|

  5. eew. like in the cr? charot.

    ang londeh londeh nomoooon. winner!

  6. Now, did you get jungle-juiced?

  7. Arkin, siyempre umayaw ako sa cr! So cheap naman no! Haha. Mas masaya sa fire exit. LOL

    Kiks, that's a secret I'll never tell. :P

  8. I take it that the good part is too good to be written. Congrats.


  9. Oh shit. Didn't see that coming. I guess I'm just virginal that way.