For breakfast I make oatmeal porridge (115 calories per 30g serving) because rolled oats are good for my health but mainly because I like the taste of oatmeal. The only problem I have with it is the texture, I am quite fussy about the consistency I like and it has to be just the right kind of thick. Mostly I follow the proportions recommended on the packaging, in this case 1:3, but in this case the porridge ends up runny. This makes me sad, but not for long. I just leave it in the rice cooker for a while longer and fuckit if the bottom burns, my sister will scrape that off later.
So five minutes, 1tbsp of sugar, and a splash of milk later, my oatmeal is ready, it is smelling good and begging for me to eat it. I am only too willing. While eating, I am reminded of when I was a young child, and never liked to eat my vegetables. Fortunately for me my mom is adventurous in the kitchen and one day she accidentally blended my dinner - vegetables, rice, and all - into a porridge. And you can guess that this porridge still tasted like vegetables but I didn't care about the taste, what I didn't like was the weird shapes and textures of the vegetables in my mouth. Even today I still can't eat okra, which is odd considering what I'm willing to put in my mouth. I'm so fucken dirty.
Anyway, back to the vegetable porridge story, well my mom made me eat that shit all the time. She even packed it in my lunch one day and that's where this story begins. Because you see this porridge did look like shit. It was green and gooey and unless it was force-fed to you, you wouldn't want to eat it. Well there I was, twelve-year-old me, sitting in the cafeteria. I open my red Spidey lunchbox, take out the Tupperware, open the lid and find a goopy, dark green mess. I look around the table and my classmates are happily taking out porkchops, fried chicken, and all sorts of real food from their boxes. I can feel my cheeks heating and my lips start to tremble. I was a crybaby then and I'm still a crybaby now. But I don't cry just yet, I try to suck it up like a little man and I start spooning the porridge into my mouth as fast as I can because maybe if I finish fast enough no one will notice what I'm eating. Wrong. Little mister nosey sitting across me can't mind his own business and asks me what I'm eating. I tell him it's vegetable porridge. He begs to disagree. I am eating shit he says. Green, runny shit. My ears turn red but I try to ignore him and keep on eating. Drew is eating shit, the little sucker announces to the whole table. Everyone turns to look at me and I can't stand it anymore, I can feel the tears escaping my eyes. I pick up my Tupperware and get up and everyone thinks I'm running away to some little corner but I'm not going to do that, what I'm doing is I'm walking over to mister fuckface and I fling the porridge in his face.
Then the rage flees and I'm standing there incredulous at what I've done and I don't know what I'm thinking but as my classmate is standing up, I grab his face and start to lick it clean. He's surprised by this but after a while, he's starting to enjoy, he even puts his arms around my back and presses my body to his. I can feel his pre-pubescent dick slowly harden as he rubs the front of his crotch against mine. Ooops wrong story.
What really happens is that after I fling the porridge in his face, he wipes it off with his arm, gets up, and throws a suckerpunch at me. I should have expected this but I'm unready, I'm just standing there with the empty Tupperware in my hand as his fist connects with my stomach. I drop the container in my surprise and my hands, finding themselves freed, take on a mind of their own and return the favor. He trips over a chair and falls on the floor and I think to myself, wow, it's over that fast. A smile is forming on my face when he grabs at my legs and pulls me down with him and now we're wrestling on the floor and I start to get hard and as we're rolling around I can feel that he's hard too. I look at his face and he's really mad at me but there's a glint in his eyes and a curl in his lips that tells me he's having fun too. I grab at his ass (and an admirably full ass it is), my fingers purposely close to his hole and this makes him squirm in delight. Fucken shit wrong story again.
What really really happens is that after I fling the porridge in his face, he wipes it off with his arm, gets up, and throws a suckerpunch at me. I double over in pain and then I run away to some little corner to cry like the fucken sissy that I am.